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Each
gag listed below indicates a Quigman's comic recycled by
Buddy in 2003.
Captions in blue indicate date cartoon
originated or re-used.
Captions in yellow indicate joke originally
written by Mike Stanfill
Red =
Joke written by collaborator.
2003 results: Buddy reused 31 old Quigmans,
or about 9%.
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| January7:
It wasn't what Bob had expected when he was asked to assume a position
on the company's board. (Later re-used 11-3-07)
January 8: "Stop, Bob! Oh, gosh...I HATE what that consumer
watchdog group has done to you." (Later re-used 7-2-08)
January 11: Doctor-
"Well, it seems that you've got a big, fat freakin' head!"
(Thanks, and a tip o' the old chapeau to sharp-eyed comic-watcher
Cindy B.!)
January 15:
Yuppie Bedtime Stories - "And then the
evil SEC placed a lien on his assets and he was never seen again!"
(Last used on 8-13-96 & 11-3-98) (Stanfill)
January 23: "Why are we still married,
Agnes?" "I'm drawin'a blank, Hubert...I can barely remember
yesterday." "Oh...well, there's your answer."
(Used again 10-5-07)
January 27: "I'm sorry, Bob.
My emotions are currently serving other customers. Please try again." (later
re-used 2-7-08) |
| February 3: "Why
do you guys pat each other on the rump after a good play?" football
player "Because our face masks seriously impede us from
making out." (Later re-used 6-28-08)
February
4:
Satan - " Do you have anything for someone who's good
with a pitchfork BESIDES farming?" (later re-used 3-14-08)
February 7: woman "...and now that I've met you, you must
come over and meet my kids, my dogs, my cats, and my needs." (Later
re-used 5-9-08)
February 10: Enok suddenly realized he was being ordered around
by his music. (Later re-used 5-31-08)
February
12: Al's Cut
Rate Divorce - "Heads! She gets the house!" (last
used 11-25-95) (Stanfill)
February 19:
"I like your treatment, Mr. Poe. The pendulum I get, but you
lose me on the pit." (Later re-used 11-14-07)
February 22:
Mona was a little TOO celebrity struck...to chimpanzee - "Oh
my god, it's you! I see you on the Discovery Channel all the time!
I love you! Call me!" (Re-used 5-23-08)
February 28: "Oh,
that's just Bob...my insignificant other." (Last
used 2-26-96) (Stanfill) |
| March 1: "Before
you start yelling, mom, remember...you could be wounding my
inner child, which at my age, could be an inner fetus." (Later
re-used 7-1-08)
March 6: "Wow...I
can actually SEE your free-floating anxiety waiting to attach
itself to something negative." (Later
re-used 4-10-08)
March 8: Pig - "This is the last straw, Carl! I found
this under your bed. A box full of hickory-smoked pig snouts
and
ears." Dog - "That was the OLD me, Honey." (Later
re-used 8-14-08)
March 10: She-pig - "I just hate the way you feign ignorance
whenever you're accused of something." He-dog - "Oh,
geez! What is THAT supposed to mean?" (Later
re-used 4-22-08)
March
11: Sign - "Will
work it on out for food."
(Last used 11-23-95) (Stanfill)
March 12:
Waiter - "Try not to touch your plates for a while...they're
really dirty." (Later re-used 2-21-08)
March 13: Ernie-"What's the deal, Frank?
Ever since you got a girlfriend you never call anymore." Frank
-"Hey, it's nothing personal , Ernie. It's just that when you're
a couple, you realize you're superior to everyone else." (later
re-used 10-24-07)
March 25: If all businessses used exclamations
- "I'll never forgive myself...I'm Bowling!"
March 31: "I want to give you the moon and the stars, baby, but
i'm gonna need to get a receipt." (Re-used 6-2-08) |
| April
1: Baboon Barber - "Oh,
nothing much, Lou...just a few fleas off the top...couple of ticks
off the back." (Stanfill)
April 15: Judge- "Counselor shall refrain from leading the
witness." (Original
syndication date 2-5-02)
April 16:"Whoa! Those last 24 drinks
went straight to my head."
April
22 : Roland was equipped with an internal governor that automatically
shut him off if he ever approached honesty. (Later
re-used 4-22-03)
April 24: If Buddha was alive today and living in Los Angeles. |
| May
8: Dog surgeon - "We're not exactly
on the cutting edge of surgical techniques here...we're mostly into
licking the wounds clean." (Later re-used
9-27-07)
May 16: The biggest
problem Bob had with dating stewardesses was, of course, the break
up. (Stanfill)
May 19: "You're not gonna believe this...it's
spam." (Later
re-used 2-29-08)
May 24: "It's sad...he's actually great
one-on-one, but put him in a crowd and he freezes up." (Last
used 5-19-97)
May 30: God says "Last
Call" - Stanley
has a moment of clarity. (Later re-used 8-6-08)
May 31: "I
know he seems closed, but trust me...double-click that mouse and watch
him
open up." (later
re-used 6-26-08) |
| June
3: Fashion Police (Last used 8-2-97)
June 4: Elimidate - "I'm sorry Ginger, Coriander, Paprika...I'm
picking Mrs. Dash for my date 'cause she seems to combine all your
exotic flavors." (Later re-used 4-1-08)
June 12: Man, Woman, Death, Bar - "Gimme a break. I'm not
THAT old." (later re-used 5-8-08)
June 9: Doctor - "Y'know what... I got my surgery degree online,
so... I'd really be more secure if I could use a mouse." (Later
re-used 4-3-08)
June 14: The danger of dining out with a politician - "Continuing
my solemnly sworn dedication to fiscal restraint, I am passing the
check to you." (later re-used 1-3-08)
6-16: "I'm jealous of lovers like you, so I've broken in to
steal a few of your intimate moments."(Late re-used 5-26-08)
June 20: "I'm not regarding you with judgemental disdain...I
had a botched eyebrow lift." (Later re-used
10-29-07)
June 21: The Forehead
Spaniel (toupee' joke) (Stanfill)
June 23: He
-"Okay,
I brought all my tools. Where's all this faulty wiring you've been
whining about?" She- "In your
head." (Later re-used 6-24-08)
June 24: Dental Convention - "Let us
raise our glasses high and drink deep, rinse and spit." (Previously
used on 3-11-97)
June 26: Happy Dogs Used Cars - "Ya gotta know what to look
for, ya gotta walk around it, look underneath it...and most important...ya
gotta bite the tires." (Last used 4-26-93)
June 27: "The multicolored landscapes
were nice, but I was deeply disturbed by the giant ex-wife with
stinging tentacles." (Later re-used 11-1-07) |
| July
3: "I'm sorry, Ma'am...he IS within the legal size limit, but
as you can see by the third finger of his left hand, he has been
banded." (Last used
2-1-97) (Stanfill)
July 8: After hours at the Lizard Lounge
..."Hey, Louis! Didn't
you used to be green?" (later re-used 6-10-08)
July 9: "Hi,
Fancine! It's me, Bob. I've evolved into an immense consciousness
that encompasses the cosmos...now will you date me? (Later
re-used 9-8-07)
7-10: "You're wrong about me being stupid. I hold an MBA from
Harvard. It belongs to my friend, but I can hold it." (Later
re-used 6-23-08)
July 12: "Yeah,
I used to be a saint bernard, but i started drinkin' from the barrel,
passed out on an avalanche victim...and they took away my sainthood.
(later re-used 8-24-07)
July 15: Indian Nerds - "Blemished Weasel!
Myopic Duck! Computing Chicken! Why aren't you raiding the white
man's settlement?" (Last used 4-26-97)
(Stanfill)
July 16: Love triangle, nothing! He's involved
in a semi-dyhedral, love rhomboid with a tetrahedral, inclinated,
midphase, infinite plane!" (Last
used 5-27-97) (Stanfill)
July 21: "I'm sorry, sir, but it appears
that the IRS has garnished your lunch." (Later
re-used 7-16-07)
July
22: He's seen butterflies do it a thousand times, but when Bob emerged
from HIS cocoon...he remained the same. (Later
re-used 7-23-03)
July 29: "Police
say they suspect Tony Edwards, a popular motivational speaker,
of a string of grisly murders...their hope is that all
the people who were inspired by Tony don't start murdering people
,too." (later re-used 8-16-08)
July 30: (No caption) Bob puts money into "change"
machine...then turns into a rabbit.
July 31:
Top Ten Rejected Candy Hearts. (Stanfill) |
August
2: More feared than any cowboy. Catboy's
lethal weapon was his ability to rub people the wrong way. (later
re-used 9-26-07)
August 4: Young Death
- "Hey, Dad...me and some of the kids are goin' down to the coast
for Death Break...can I borrow the scythe?" (Stanfill)
August 6: "As
we gaze at this, the last photo of circus acrobat Bob Quigman, I think
we can all say he created quite an impact." (Later
re-used 9-4-07)
August 7: Sid Schmedley's
Ice Sculpture (melted) : "Hoo-boy...this looks like one of those
art openings where you had to be early." (later
re-used 10-6-07)
August 8: "Oh,c'mon, Jimmy! If you're such
a big playboy, why dont you get in the hot tub?" (later
re-used 1-11-08)
August 9: Judge-
"Whoa! When did I become so, like, judgemental?"
(Used again 9-19-07)
August 14: "You're
a knock-out, Burt...which can be attributed, in large part, to your
eye-stinging odor." (Later re-used 7-29-08)
August 18: "There
was too much patriotic baggage as a bald eagle, but as a hair-weave
eagle, I can swing." (later re-used
4-18-08)
August 22: "The
wife said I take advantage of people. I said 'gimme a break. I'm
a friggin' PIRATE! It's a cut-throat
business!'" (later re-used 11-17-07)
August 25: "I
bet if i drove a stake through your heart, the souls of your former
girlfriends would be returned to their rightful owners." (Later
re-used 6-6-08)
August 26: Doctor
- "Oh nurse...have you seen my melon-baller?" (Previously
used 4-8-93) (Stanfill)
August 27: "God,
you are so cute...but not in a way I'm attracted to in the least." (later
re-used 5-21-08)
August 29: Movie
called "Rotten Stinking Garbage" -"There's
a huge buzz about this." (Later re-used
5-13-08) |
| September
2: Freud's Blind Date - "You're
going to love her, Sigmund! She's big-boned, but she has a hugely
dysfunctional personality." (Stanfill)
September 5: "See what happens, Billy?
Next time you'll wash your hands when they're covered with jelly."
(Later re-used 10-23-07)
September 6: "Mother Goose announced cutbacks today.
She'll be downsizing the seven dwarfs, phasing out Dopey and Sneezy....and
in a marketing move, she'll change Grumpy's name to 'Moody'."
September 11: "After observing rats in bikinis for years, we
feel very close to finding the cure for the summertime blues."
(later re-used 7-28-07)
September 13: As the night grew deeper, Bob began to fear he wouldn't
fall into the wrong hands.
September 18: "No, Billy! The saying is: 'If you love something,
set it free.' not on fire." (Later re-used
11-15-07)
September 22: Tour of Ruins - Erechtheum, Pantheon, Athena Nike,
Francine's Casserole.
September 23: "Hey, Benny...you been workin'
out? You look really ripped." (Later re-used 5-15-08)
September 30: "I'm
sorry, Phil...but you're part of the whole insidious cult of male misguided
ideas about what women want that taps into my
most primitive fear." (Late re-used 6-27-08) |
October 6:
"Calling dispatch...This is Officer Katz...I'm in pursuit of
my tail...requesting backup." (re-used
11-16-07)
October 7: "Think of yourself as Iraq, Bob. I've helped you
rebuild your economy and now it's tiem for me to evacuate." (Later
re-used 2-14-08)
October 8: "I always wanted to meet one of you centerfold gals."
( Previously used 11-23-98)
10-13: "A man is currently being held by police, causing onlookers
to feel 'warm and fuzzy'." (Later regurgitated 5-20-08)
October 14: Dog doctor - "Your tests look good, but I'm keeping
you here for a few days, 'cause your nose is warm." (Later
re-used 7-19-07)
October 15: "You shut up! I oughta drop you like a sack of potatoes
for that Ashton Kutcher boy!" (Later re-used 2-12-08)
October 23: "You call that intimidation? Top moguls can sneer
with their eyes...you people look like you snuck up from the mailroom
and killed someone." (Later re-used 11-10-07)
October 25: "It's one of the hardest ailments to detect, but
I'm convinced you have Lime Disease."
October 29: "You think YOU have it bad...I was the first monkey
in space and I can't even get a driver's license." (Later
re-used 8-31-07) |
November
3: "I'm the top dog, she's the
queen bee, and he's the pint-sized, blood-draining leech." (Later
re-used 11-13-07)
November 7: Dog at obediance school: "But wait! How does this
fit into my whole socialist agenda?" (Later
re-used 1-30-08)
November 13: "I mortgaged the house to leverage-buyout the business
that owes the money to the bank that's about to go insolvent that
loaned me the money for the house." (4-27-98)
(Stanfill)
November 15: Cat
- "What's
so fancy about this feast?"(Later Re-used
7-27-07)
November 19: After years of sucking in his
gut, an adverse reaction occurs, and Fred's head balloons to 300
pounds. (Later re-used 7-4-08)
November 28: "Don't hand me that
'Take me to your leader' crap...did you book ahead with America Express?"
(last used 7-22-95)
(Stanfill)
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December
1: In a frantic attempt to escape her
frozen, stale mariage...Marsha tries to find the "force quit"
keys on her husband." (Later re-used 10-25-07)
December 2: Lice- "Okay, people! Pack it up - it''s a weave!
We are outta here!" (later re-used 6-13-08) (Szyszka)
December 4: "Check out Scruffy's new trick, son...I taught him
to retrieve a file." (Later re-used 9-28-07)
December 8: "My nurse found out
you weren't insured, so I just filled all your cavities with putty."(Later
re-used 8-17-07)
December 13: "I object, your honor! I request that the sight
of opposing cousel in his tightie-whities be stricken from my memory!"
(Later re-used 9-5-07)
December 15: Gave self permission to fail. Please help. (Later re-used
4-4-08)
December 17: Many of Bob's problems can be traced back to his childhood
insecurity blanket. (Previously used 3-2-98)
December 18: Then -"Hey you guys! Let's start a band and, like,
jam!" Now
- "Hey you guys! Let's start a bandwidth and, like, spam!" (later
re-used 5-14-08)
December 27: "... and in this corner... standing from 5'8" to
6' 1" ... and weighing 6,000 lbs .. all the way from New York
City ... the World's Heavyweight Kickboxing Champion ... The Rockettes!" (stanfill)
December 30: "Don't worry about Rover 2000... his bark is bigger
than his gigabyte." (Later re-used 4-19-08) |
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