|
 |
Each
gag listed below indicates a previously-used
Quigman's comic recycled by Buddy in 2004.
Yellow = joke originally written
by Mike Stanfill
Blue
= date of original use or re-use.
Red
= joke written by collaborator.
Totals
for 2004:
39 stolen/reused jokes, 37 jokes supplied by collaborators.
Nearly 1/4 of all Quigman gags this year were not written by Buddy.
|
| January 2:
Bob never talked to himself. He figured, if you didn't have
something nice to say... (later re-used 3-10-09)
January 3: "Let's
get outta here, Eileen... this place is crawlin' with lowbrows." (later
re-used 11-29-08)
January 8: "You have a nice interface, Wendell...I just
need a higher-speed connection." (later
re-used 11-18-09)
January 10: "Remember me? I used to be that dancin'
fricken' baby on Ally McBeal." (later re-used 12-3-08)
January 12: Lawyer to bull : "I would strongly advise
against saying you've gone mad." (later re-used 1-30-2010)
January 13: Due to n erroneous scale calibration at McRonald's,
a customer is crushed by a quarter thousand pounder. (Later
re-used 3-4-09)
January 14: Small-town celebrities - "Hey, I recognize
you! You're the lady who made employee of the month over
there
at Tootie's drugstore" (later re-used 12-10-09)
January
15: "Why, Miss Johnson! Without
your glasses ... you're beautiful! (This
gag of mine has been used at least three times, possibly
four, the last
being 2-25-98.) (Stanfill)
January 17: "We
should refrain from pleasantries. I once offed a good friend of
mine by giving him five." (later
re-used 11-24-08)
January 19: "Don't laugh... that's Shorty Long ... world's
champion on the grossly uneven, far-from-parallel bars." (Later
re-used 1-19-09)
January 21: "Some
say I'm an overly protective mother, but I say hey! You can't
be
too careful. So I had Billy and the twins laminated."
(Previously used 2-26-98. Later re-used 7-18-07) (Stanfill)
January 27: Rupture, a game. (Last used 12-23-98)(Stanfill)
January 28: Holy cow! We're witnessing one
of the rare holds in wrestling, folks: The head combination lock!" (last
appeared 4-27-99)
January 29: "Coach sent me in to relieve you, Quigman. It's
the bottom of the ninth and you're talkin' about your divorce." (Later
re-used 12-31-08)
January 31:
Nosferatu Massage - "Another lawsuit. Perhaps I should
rethink my choice of vocation." (last appearance 10-13-98)
|
February 2:
Run and get the shotgun, Louise! Our son's got the Bird Flu!" (Later
re-used 12-6-08)
February
3: Guilt Man - "Hold on there, Mr. Lowlife! Does your Mother
know you hold up grocery stores? And when was the last time you
gave
to the United Way?" (way old, later re-used 1-23-2010)
February4: "Hey! What are you doing to my yard, you moron?" "Well,
I been a career garbage man for some 20-odd years. i just figured
it was time to give somethin' back." (Last
appeared 12-18-98, later re-used 12-24-08)
February 10: Cruel genetic mutant kids. "Hey, 'Two Eyes'! Ha,
ha, ha, ha!" (szyszka) (later re-used 12-15-09)
February 19: "I see you're wearing that reversible suit, eh,
Bob?"
February 21: Kissing Booth and Kissing-Up Booth.
February 24: Miss Manners' Attack Dog - "Good
evening, Mr. Burglar! My name is Jowles! Would you care for a cocktail
before I intimidate you with my aggressive behavior?" (also
appeared 4-1-97 & 5-19-98) (Stanfill)
2-25: "I don't feel like I can get close to you anymore, Bob." (later
re-used 9-19-09)
February 27: "People
always accuse me of being to serious about work. What's up with that?" "What's
that tattoo on your forehead?" "Company
letterhead. Isn't it cool?" (Later
re-used 12-13-08) |
March 1: "Would
you care to come up and see a few of my etch-a-sketchings?" (Later
re-used 12-20-08)
March 2:
Apples - "Happy anniversary, honey!" "Uh.. don't
you think gettin' me a juicer is just a little on the passive-aggressive
side?" (szyszka) (first appeared 12-17-98)
March
3: God to Jowles - "I proclaim you 'Man's
Best Friend!' This entitles you to sleep in a box and eat meat by-products!"
(Last appeared 4-22-87) (Stanfill)
March 8: "Your insurance didn't quite
cover a compatible donor so we slapped in a pig heart we found in
the cafeteria." (last
appeared 11-13-99, later re-used 2-3-2010)
March 9: "I just discovered that women here make half as much
as men. So, in a cost-cutting move, I'm firing all the men." (later
re-used 9-15-09)
March 12: "What do you think of my cake?
It's based on a novel by Stephen King!" (Stanfill) (also
appeared 8-21-87, 12-8-98, 10-31-09)
March 17: The Quigmans visit Lyin' Country Safari. (A
3-timer...last time was 11-12-98) (Stanfill)
March 20: Francine's virtue is saved from
a reckless advance with the deployment of her First-Date-Air-Bag. (last
appeared 6-17-99)
March 23: Two flies - "Hey, Herbie ... I think I stepped in
something." (szyszka) (last appeared 10-9-98)
March 24: "Yeah, Delores ... I got me
one of those big, brawny boyfriends. It's so cute the way they come
up
to you and eat right out of your hand." (last appeared 11-11-98)
March 27: Francine picks another frog - "Your smiles break through
the surface of my homicidal mania like daisies through cracks in
the cement." (Later re-used 12-12-09)
March 29: "I don't think I can be a blue-collar dude with you
guys anymore ... I'm starting to wear this outfit ironically." (Later
re-used 3-15-08)
March 31: "My
giant insect fetish aside, I think I made a big mistake marrying
a louse like you." (Later re-used 10-13-08) |
April 2:
Failure, the new men's cologne that's devoid of pretense. (Later
re-used 8-12-08)
April
4: When
Weathermen Kiss and Tell. (Last
appeared 10-12-98) (Stanfill)
April 5: "Wow.
I've been looking for a boyfriend like that for a long time...
where'd you get him?" "I googled
him." (Later re-used 1-13-09)
April 6: Jane
Goodall in the wilds of Milwaukee. (Last
appeared 5-14-98) (Stanfill)
April 8: "I
don't care if you have taken a vow of silence ... I'm your mother.
You could have CALLED!" (Last
appeared 5-30-98) (Stanfill)
April 10: "I feel a lot more relaxed lately, Stu ... since
i started wearing the Carefree Panty Liners.' (Later re-used 11-25-08)
April 11: "I
used to be a fierce pirate, but swashbuckling doesn't pay like
it used to, so now I'm a Nike swoosh-buckler!" (Later
re-used 2-18-09)
April 14: Hungry for a traditional activity,
Americans gather to observe the changing of the noseguard. (last
appeared 11-25-99)
April 16: Midlife Crisis Barbie and Talking
Old Guy G.I. Joe. (last appeared1-21-99)
April 17: Bill discovers that Johnson's Baby
Shampoo does, in fact, cause tears. (later
re-used 2-7-09)
April 20: A sign that
carbophobia has spiraled out of control. (Later
re-used 3-28-08)
April 21: The
numbers racket comes to Sesame Street. "Hey, Big Bird, you
interested in a whole integer?" (last
appeared6-29-87) (Stanfill)
April 24: Sherlock
Holmes: Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat. "I say,
Holmes ... what do you propose to call this canal between the
victim's ear and esophagus?" "Alimentary, my dear Watson." (last
appeared 7-10-99) (Stanfill)
April 26: "Oh, that's Morty ... We caught him cheatin' on
the scores, so we blackballed him." (Later re-used
6-17-08)
April 27: Lion - "Well, well ... aren't you hoity-toity, Lou!
Got your own personal tamer." (last appeared 12-9-99)
April 28: "I wanted to attend the codependency workshop but
i couldn't find anyone to go with me." (Parkin) (last
appeared 5-3-99)
April 30: "You gotta pull back on the senseless playground
bullying, Joe. It's starting to feel like another Vietnam." (later
re-used 10-9-09) |
May 1:
Beefy man w/sign - Please help. Health club membership about
to expire. (last appeared 12-3-99)
May 3: "One of my biggest regrets is getting this stupid
roaming plan." (Palmer) (later re-used 1-16-09)
May 4: When Weathermen Kiss and Tell. (first appearance 12-28-87,
used again 10-12-98)
May 5: A Visit with Charles Manson - "Hey, guard! check
it out, man. I got Web Site of the Week again!" (last
appeared 9-28-98)
May 6: "I know there's lots of dry, brown grass, tumbleweeds
and scrub oak around here, but I can assure you ... unless
someone tosses a lit cigarette from a car window, you're
perfectly safe." (later re-used 1-26-09)
May 10: "I've
liberated you from your former dictator, I've shown you how
to be independent ..." "... And now you're backing
out?" "I like to call it 'transferring sovereignty.'" (Later
re-used 9-27-08)
May 13: "That's
our proudest mutation yet ... a buffalo chicken. We breed
'em for Pizza Hut." (Later re-used
3-25-08)
May 14: Lounge Lizards - "That, my friend, is one fine piece of
tail." (last appeared 6-6-2000)
May 15: "So, remember, fashion freaks, animal prints are OUT this
year, and solids are in, in, in!" (Szyszka) (Last appeared 11-25-98)
May 18: Sign- "Nudist Colony. Caution: Currently
undergoing reconstructive enhancement. Bare with us." (later
re-used 11-11-09)
May 19: "There's
a case where the end justifies the jeans." (Later
re-used 11-14-08)
May 20: Lost and found -"Hey,
Frank! Did anyone turn in this guy's youth?" (last
appeared 1-22-99)
May 21: Big, tough
Pikachu -"You wanna take my kids outta your pocket?" (Szyszka) (Last
appeared 12-10-99, later re-used 12-3-09)
May 20: Lost and found -"Hey, Frank! Did anyone turn in this guy's
youth?" (last appeared 1-22-99)
May 25: Sock at
dating service - "I need to find my match." (Later
re-used 1-8-09)
May 27: Bob mistakenly stumbled across the fountain
of Truth, which proclaims: "Not only are you getting
old, but you're gettin' kinda chunky." (Szyszka) (Originally
syndicated 1-13-99)
May 29: "Hey! Let go of me! I'm not a baby. I'm a midget sumo
wrestler!" (2-3-09) |
June
1: "Nasty
razor burn there, Bob..." (last
appeared 7-31-99)
June 2 For the first time in years, Spock's Vulcan mindmeld
was a severe disappointment. Bob: "I...like...pie." (last
appeared 12-13-99)
June 3: Jerry exhibits the heartbreak of suburban sprawl. (Later
re-used 10-20-08)
June 5: "I'm old enough to know I'm not old enough to know about
a lot of things." (last appeared 12-27-99)
June 8: "The most unpleasant thing about being in the only student
in this class is when I ask you to break into groups." (last
appeared 11-22-99)
June 9: Bob is caught in the vicious loop of shampoo bottle directions: "lather,
rinse, repeat." (Last appeared 12-7-99)
June 10: "I've completely lost my train of thought...Ms. Fingleman,
could you please turn down the wattage on those boardroom eyes?" (Later
re-used 1-21-09)
June 12: I see you've got freckles...I just have the one. (Szyszka) (last
appeared 11-16-2000,
later re-used 3-14-09 and 1-14-2010)
June 14: When Yami the yoga instructor is threatened with violence
in a bar, he counters with his ujjayi breath. (later
re-used 5-29-08)
June15: Knife and Fork at the marriage counselor. "It seemed
natural at first ... we were always being shoved together for dinner
..." (last
appeared 11-11-99, later re-used 2-25-09)
June 16: "I really thought my charms would start to grow on you,
Francine." " Me, too, Bob ... but hourly, scalding-hot showers
seem to protect me." (Last appeared 10-7-99)
June 17:
Hallucinator club - "I'd like to thank all the little people.
And look! There they are! Get 'em off me! They're coming out of
the
wall! Aah!
(appeared 5-14-87 and then two months
later on 8-5-04. Later appeared10-26-09) (Stanfill)
June 19: Dog - "I guess you might say I specialize in lawn
ornaments." (szyszka) (last
appeared 1-7-2000)
June 22: "You
like sun-dried tomatoes, right? Well, dis is sun-dried chicken.
Guaranteed four days in the sun, minimum. (Nino) (last
appeared 2-1-99)
June 23: Boy Scout
Fish - "I've been rubbin' these sticks together for hours ...
what am I doing wrong?" (last
appeared 3-2-93) (Stanfill)
June 26: "I
met this nice girl named Angela and gave her my phone number, but she
hasn't
called me yet." "Give it a rest, Bob!
That was in '93." (Parkin) (last
appeared 8-16-99)
June 28: Dr. Phil! - "I'm your husband, Lucy. I just can't believe
how much you choose to demonize me!" (Later re-used 12-8-08)
June 29: "Looks like a very strange case
of Dutch Elm disease. I'm gonna prescribe ... pruning, I guess." (last
appeared 11-17-99, later re-used 2-24-09) |
July 2:
Another senseless designer knock-off. (last
appeared 10-14-99, later re-used 11-12-09)
July 3: "I realize we just met, but i think we should
split up and, because this is California, I get half your drink." (later
re-used 11-25-09)
July 5: "Your father had his hip replacement surgery today.
Unfortunately it was replaced by a bowling ball." (later
re-used 12-17-08)
July
6: "Why, Francine ... you're
trembling!"
"It's because of you, bob ... I always get this rush of adrenaline
when I'm about to dump a guy." (last
appeared 8-17-99)
July 7: Bad
hints from Heloise - "Lady bugs really spice up a
salad." (Little) (last
appeared 8-11-99)
July 9: "I see your attempt at an Emeril
recipe has faild ... but at least you've managed to 'kick it up.'" (last
appeared 2-15-08)
July 10: "Everyone has trouble guessing my age ... but i'll
give you a hint ... I've had so much plastic surgery I'm no longer
biodegradable." (last
appeared 9-25-99)
Juny13: Bob is expelled from driving school. (Last
appeared 8-9-99, later re-used 10-3-09)
July 14: Cobras
- "Say
it, don't spray it - ok, Phil? 'Cause now I'm blind." (last
appeared 6-2-2000)
July 17: Tired of paying too much for high-falootin'
gourmet coffee? Then try Tasteless Choice! (Illegible) (last
appeared 5-13-99)
July 20: "Isn't he just darling? I found
him while I was out antiquing!" (last
appeared 10-29-99)
July 21: "I hate to use the words 'you're fired' so just get
up and move to the other side of the desk." (last
appeared 8-9-99,
later re-used 1-2-2010)
July 22: "I have a hollow tree with an ocean view. Only drawback
is the incessant, suffocating stench of cookie dough." (later
re-used 2-19-09)
July 27: "You
may not be the brightest bunny in the forest , Bob, but I love sitting
out here with you, listening to the wind as it whistles
through your ears." (last appeared 10-25-99)
July 28: Life with the overly jealous - "You're
thinking about something else, aren't you? I can tell because your
eyes are open!" (last
appeared 10-21-99, later re-used 1-9-2010)
July 31: "Confrontational?
What do you mean I'm confrontational? I oughta bust your face!" (last
appeared 10-23-99, later re-used 11-24-09) |
August 2: "What's
the holdup on stem cell research? I advocate it and I'm a freakin'
embryo!" (Later re-used 7-16-08)
August
4: "I know he seems pretty white bread
... but I hear he has a dark side."
August 5: Hallucinator club - "I'd like
to thank all the little people. And look! There they are! Get 'em
off me! They're coming out of the wall! Aah! (Originally
appeared 5-14-87. Previously used June 17, 2004. That's right...just
two months ago.
Later appeared
10-26-09) (Stanfill)
August 7: "Wow! Look what the cat's in
drag in!" (First used 5-14-87. Re-used
7-28-95 ,7-7-99. That's four times.) (Stanfill)
August 11: Sanitarium for the chronically
ph-imbalanced - "It's
highly unusual, doctor ... they all steadfastly refuse to switch
shampoos." (later re-used 2-16-2010)
August 14: Giant
fish - "Well, lucky, lucky you! I'm in a bitin'
mood!" (later
re-used 2-12-2010) (Szyszka)
August 18: "Klaus! Klaus! You gotta quit punchin' people when
they order the big-eye Swiss!" (last appeared 10-13-99)
August 23: "I
can't believe it. I buy her a drink and she doesn't even make out
with me. Frickin' feminazi's." (Later
re-used 8-2-08)
August 24: The Leeches at home. (later
re-used 12-23-09) (szyszka)
August 26: "Obesity
does not have to be a life sentence, Freida ... now if you're fat
and you kill someone, that's a whole other thing." (later
re-used 12-1-08) |
September
1: "Say,
that is one sweet lookin' toupee, Buddha. Makes you look three
reincarnations younger!" (Later re-used
4-8-08)
September 3: Due to his sizable account, Mr. Feingold experiences
the bank's latest customer service feature: "Love interest." (later
re-used 12-29-09)
September 4: The Dog Whisperer - "If you could just shut
it up long enough, I might be able to cure the stinking, wretched
thing's
brain." (later re-used 12-4-08)
September 6: "You know what, Susie? Everybody thinks they
be pimp, but they just frontin'." (later re-used 7-17-08)
September 8: "What's not to get, people? My client's face
is smashed flat because his wife slammed it in the door! Open-and-shut
case!" (last
appeared 11-6-99, later re-used 12-16-09)
September 9: Fish with worm on neck - "Dude! That scarf
is off the hook!" (later re-used 11-27-08)
September 10: People who were NOT awarded Salesperson of the
Month - "If
this model is not to your liking ... there are other stores with
better stuff." (last appeared 12-9-99,
later reused 2-10-2010)
September 11: After his own attempted murder, Bob unwittingly
spawns a wild new craze: Lapel-gliding. (last
appeared 11-29-99)
September
13: The Hamsters at home: Y'know Wendell ... just once , I'd like
to read the morning paper before you shred it with your incisors."
(McKinley) (Later
re-used 1-8-08)
September 14: "Why are you people bouncing my checks? I told
you three months ago I wanted overdraft protection!" "I
thought you said HOVERCRAFT Protection." (Later re-used 3-11-09)
September 15: Being self-employed begins to mess with Bob's head.
(last
appeared 8-26-99)
September16: (All-chicken courtroom) "Is it not true, Mr. Cluckston,
that when the waiter heimliched you, you coughed up a chicken bone?" (Last
appeared 11-26-98)
September 17: "You know, Rachel, I really want to rip that customer's
head off." "You can't do that, Kristy ... we've got a health
code." (Later re-used 1-6-09)
September 18: "So anyway, doc, I have abandonment issues. Doc?
Doc? (last appeared 11-19-99)
September 21: Some of the romance of waterskiing drains away when
Francine learns only the power of a tugboat will pull Bob. (Last
appeared
9-27-99, later re-used 11-28-09)
September 22: While attempting to embrace life, Bob failed to notice
its trick knee. (last appeared 12-30-99)
September 24: Bumper Sticker Theatre - "Eagles can soar ...
but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." (Later re-used
1-14-09)
September 25: Sled dog Stories - "There
were were... on the home stretch of the Iditarod .. when Scruffy
blew a head gasket! We spun out, hit the wall and burst into flames!"
(Last
appearance 7-28-99)(Stanfill)
September 28: Title "Dawn of Civilization".
Image - Primitive man thinking "Pizza." (Stanfill)
September 29: "That's
Bob Quigman, a distant relative of ours. And that's just where we
like
him." (also appeared 3-13-87, 10-18-99) (Stanfill) |
October 2:
Big Hair club for Women. "I'm not only a member, I'm a refuge
for birds!" (last appeared 10-28-99,
later re-used 1-16-2010)
October 4:
Overly judgemental life coach - "You are a sissy man! You're
the worst life player I've ever seen! I'm taking you out of the
game!" (Later re-used 7-8-08)
October
6: Psychiatrist to cow - "Where does all this self-loathing
come from, Elsie?" "I'm lactose-intolerant, Doc." (parkin) (last
appeared 3-13-99)
October 8: Bum with sign - "I'm a Don't-Wannabe" (Later
re-used 9-26-08)
October 9: Date with a movie critic - "Your visual texture is
diverting, Bob, but your characterization is poorly drawn, your narrative
content
numbs the mind, and I feel two hours closer to death. Thumbs down!
I enjoyed the food, however. (last
appeared 1-14-99)
October 12: Bull at bar-b-q joint - "I'm really lonely, so give
me a combo platter ... I'd like to see if I can assemble me a new
friend." (later
re-used 9-10-09)
October 13: "Personally, I enjoy sweating the small stuff." (later
re-used 11-26-08)
October 18: "That Fenderman always takes it a step farther ...
he thinks outside the building." (Later re-used 9-15-08)
October 19: "What is this, Al, another one of your lame, get-rich-quick
schemes?" "Are you casting aspersions on my Pet Stick?" (Martin) (later re-used 11-30-09)
October 20: "Like I said: All displays of bodily piercings will
results in school suspension." (last
appeared 4-14-99, later
re-used 1-11-2010) (Wolfe)
October 21: Non-Smokers Hotel on fire. - "Liars." (last
appeared 1-2-99)
October 22: "Check it out ... they're grooming Johnson for V.P." (Later
re-used 4-30-08)
October 23: "Guess you'll think twice before eatin' sunflower
seeds again, eh, Bob?" (No physical record of first appearance,
later re-used 1-15-2010)
October 26: Hurricane - "It never fails, Doc. Every time i make
a huge splash on the Florida coast, they downgrade me to a tropical
depression." (later
re-used 9-16-08)
October 27: Aliens - "Okay, hold still, son ... You've got a satellite
in your eye." (Szyszka) (last
appeared 10-6-2000)
October 28: Mermaid - "You're a great girl,
Marcie ... I just feel like I can't breathe." (last
appeared 8-28-2000, later
re-used 12-1-09) |
November 2:
No caption. Man swatting fly, is going to hit "Nuclear Missile" launch
button. (Later re-used 12-18-08)
November 4:
Bob had the wrong idea about strip malls. (Bob, in front of strip
malls, stripping.) (later re-used 21-2-08)
November
6: "You kids don't appreciate the value of a dollar." "Yes,
dad, but we're shamefully humbled by the presence of a twenty." (last
appeared 4-19-99,
later re-used 11-19-09)
November 8: Bulls - "I don't know, he's just been acting really
agro lately." (later re-used 3-29-08)
Novermber 9: "Your parenting has inspired Zoid and I so much,
we decided to get some babies, too. See? (last
appeared 1-12-2000)
November 10: Bob's faith in the love of his Aunt Myrtle and Uncle
Dan was shaken when they put him in the quicksand box. (last
appeared 11-27-2000)
November 13: "Your wedding announcement's in the paper, Bob.
But the bride's name has been withheld pending notification of next
of
kin." (last
appeared 6-12-99)
November 17 (Big fat guy at cooking class) "Sorry I'm late ...
I was up all night cramming." (last appeared
8-30-99)
November 20: Al's Bakery - "It's not as much fun as it looks
here. The owner's a fascist: He has this whole cookie-cutter mentality." (Later
re-used 10-17-08)
November 23: "Omigosh, Bob! I warned you and warned you about
those 3D games!" (later re-used 12-17-09) (szyszka)
November 25: She: "Yuck! This isn't champagne! It tastes like
apple juice mixed with Alka-Seltzer!" He: "Guilty! But
don't I get points for servin' it from a nice bottle from the dumpster?" (Later
re-used 1-24-09)
November 27: Porcupine to pine-cone: "Say, there! Love your
perfume! Is that pine?" (Later re-used 2-11-09)
November 29: "I don't care what you say ... 'loser' isn't in
my vocabulary... 'cause I'm illiterate." (Later re-used 1-28-09)
November 30: Mel's No-Pest Jumpsuit: a big summertime favorite. (Parkin) (last
used 2-11-99, later appeared 9-30-09) |
December
1: "Yeah, we decided to name our kids
like the Indians did. Y'know, after the first thing they saw?
So over there,
that's Sizable Hospital Bill, and there's Nurse With Startled Expression,
and over there's our youngest... Hypothermic Sphygmomanometer!" (Stanfill)
December 3: "Hey mom and dad ... I'm lookin' for investors
for my one-man show: 'Avoiding Gainful Employment.'" (later
re-used 1-30-09)
December 4:
Bum with sign - "I'm a middleman who was skipped." (last
appeared 4-6-99,
later re-used 1-5-2010)
December 6:
Corporate Hippie - "I know you think I've sold out,
Moon Flower, but check it out: This entire office is made of
hemp." (Later re-used 2-13-09)
December 7:
The tolerance of a Starbucks barista is severely tested. - "I'd
like a decaffacinno frappa chappa dappa dingo ice blended last
of the moccahicans vanilla ice ice better latte
than never smoothie with a shot of self-espresso." (later
re-used 11-28-08)
December 9: "Excuse me ... can I
have the time, roughly?" "Sure! It's (physical violence
ensues) 12:45!"
(later re-used 12-31-09) (Nino)
December 10: "No,no ... you misunderstood me. I said the secret
to life is to adapt, not adopt." (later re-used 2-21-09)
December 13: "You're right, doc. It's
one of the worse cases of plaque I've ever seen." (last
appeared 11-24-98,
later re-used 1-31-09) (Stanfill)
December 14: Culture Vulture - "So that's why King Lear is the
most bitter , bleak, and pessimistic of all tragedies ... you'd look
great
with a side salad." (last re-used 1-22-09)
December 16: "I
don't get it. We've been hiding the growth hormones in his brussels
sprouts for months
and he hasn't grown an inch." (last
appeared 2-5-99) (Stanfill)
December 18: "Let's
face it, Doc ... nobody loves a horse named charlie." (last
appeared 1-16-99,
later re-used 1-7-2010)
December 22: Ichabod Crane
with pumpkin head - Girl: No, no ...I swear, it's not that. I just
can't date a man named Ichabod." (szyszka) (later
re-used 11-27-09)
December 23: "Watch out for Caruthers. You how some people
blow off steam? She retains it." (later re-used 11-9-09)
December 24: Snowman, to woman - "It's
because I have a small carrot, isn't it?" (last appeared
12-17-99)
December 25:
Rudolph is arrested - Santa:"But officer! His nose is
always that color!" Cop:"Yeah. Yeah. Tell it to the judge!" (szyszka) (first
appeared 12-24-99, later re-used 12-29-08)
December 27: Alien girlfriend - "She seems nice, son, and we
appreciate you bringing her home to meet us, but ... she ate the
dog." (Later
re-used 3-13-09)
December 28: "I've always seen you as a man who's going places,
Stinson ... unfortunately, those places are out that window and
to your
death." (Later re-used 1-27-09)
December 29:
Dermatologist - "You're obviously not taking my advice,
because lookie what you have here --- a pimple! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" (later
re-used 1-2-09)
December 30: "We don't take kindly to poachers 'round here,
mister. We like OUR eggs in a nice omelet." (last
appeared 2-13-99)
December 31: "I love this bar, Eddie... everybody knows my name." "Your
name is Jager." (Later re-used 2-12-09) |
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