9-7-07: I understand Mr. Polar Bear's desperate desire to escape this rapidly simmering sphere but unless I miss my guess Mr. Skywalker probably yearns to return to Hoth, an ice-bound wasteland brightened only by festive piles of tauntaun-scented wampa poop, about as much as Baby Jessica wants to jump back into that drain pipe. As much as Bush desires to re-read the Constitution. As much as Larry Craig needs tap shoes.

Okay, bad example.

Yes, Luke wouldn't be caught dead on Hoth. He'd obviously prefer the verdant splendor of Naboo, or the cerulean waters of Aeeq (pre-Clone Wars only), or the somewhat legendary, though hooker-rich planet of Babooine. Do your homework next time, Hick.

9-8-07: "Yeah, I'll date you, Bob. You're from an old Quigman which originally ran on 7-9-03."

9-10-07: Maybe I need new glasses but I don't see a cat scratcher. I see a cat post. I see a cat tree. I see a scratching post. I see a kitty gym, but no cat scratcher. Which is a dang shame since even cats get itchy now and again.

More interestingly, this is the second consecutive cat-related Quigman cartoon (the last was from 6-8-07. See below) where old Hicky-pants has illustrated a male character shamelessly aping our feline friends. I can only suppose this second strip is an attempt to mollify the desperate pleas of the massive Quigman fan-base for more exploits of this peculiar cat-person. Riiiiight.

9-11-07: WARNING: Single-faceted cartoonist employs hack writer to develop lame joke, generates confusion, annoys public.

It's not much of a rib-tickler but it might have actually worked if old Hicky-pants had gone the extra step and added the extra dimension of "Far Side-ian" irony to the gag. After all, that's the strip old Hicky-pants ripped-off in the first place.

For instance, what if the truck had been delivering GPS devices? Suppose the owner of the truck was "Al's Exit Strategies"? Or what if the sign had simply stated "Driver makes wide turns in order to overcompensate for a repressed childhood" and left it at that?

What's old Hick getting paid for again? His wit? You sure?

9-12-07: This one was mildly amusing in a "Let's all go feed our babies to the vicious, wild animals" kind of way, but it would have been honestly funny if the characters had simply been people. Drab, boring, faceless little bureaucrats.

Think about it.

Using real dingos, in this case, is the visual equivalent of kicking someone in the kidneys and bellowing "Get it? Get it?".

Okay! We get it! We get it! Hoo-boy.

Sloth Alert: And we're getting it again as this gag was originally released 12-17-02.

9-13-07: First, old Hicky-pants can't find the words to formulate a gag about not being able to the find words to formulate a sentence. So he pulls a random statement out of his butt which allows the character to state that he can't formulate words.

Steee-rike one!

Then, in desperation, he tacks on the word "blog" to the end of the monkeyshine if for no other reason than it sounds slightly humorous to the unsophisticated ear. Like "chicken" or "hockey puck" or  "Barney Frank".

Steee-rike two!

Finally, we're left with the staggeringly inventive milieu of two people sitting in a bar, a setting so over-used by old Hick that the strip should more accurately be called "Two People Slagging One Another Off In a Bar". Not much there there, either.

Steee-rike three!

Hit the showers, Bud.

9-14-07: Uh-oh! Looks like Winthrop, the original cat-guy (see 9-10-07, above) got replaced by Raymond. Evidently Winthrop was just too much of a pussy.

9-15-07: There's a bit of unintended irony here as this joke directly mirrors old Hicky-pants current state as a cartoonist. After all, if he still had the creative spark he wouldn't be submitting over 50% of old material to pad out his his monthly allotment.

Think I'm kidding? This past July he used 14 old Quigmans in a month that required 27 in all. Go check out the daily tabulations for 2007 yourself here and be astonished at how often he just phones it in.

Poor old Hicky-pants. He's lost the will to conceive.

Sloth alert: This is a triple-timer as it was also printed 7-19-99 and 3-10-06.

9-17-07: Appearances to the contrary, this is one heartless little guttersnipe. She's obviously been taught to use intolerance as a tool of vindictiveness, but why should she stop at condemning others simply due to the results of unrelenting greed by Wall Street bankers? For instance:

"My mom says your parents only lather and rinse, but never repeat..."
"My mom says your parents are related to Carrot Top..."
"My mom says your parents won't pledge fealty to our Dark Lord..."
"My mom says your parents don't brush after every meal..."
"My mom says your parents are secretly Chinese..."
"My mom says your parents are personally responsible for global warming..."
"My mom says your parents teach their children good manners..."
"My mom says your dad is a premature ejaculator..."

Heh!

9-18-07: Czechoslovakia to the rescue!

America makes the best fighter jets on the planet Earth. So, uh, why did old Hicky-pants illustrate this lame visual gag using the image of a mid-70s Czech L-39 trainer jet? (see below)

I realize an artist must occasionally resort to reference material when drawing, or tracing, unfamiliar objects but this would be akin to, say, using a picture of an Altair 8800  to illustrate a joke involving modern computer viruses.

Check the calendar, Hick. It's 2007.

Apart from all this, judging from the size of the spray, I suppose even a mile-long antiquated aircraft would be pretty impressive.

9-19-07: Judge: "You, Mr. Quigman Comic, stand accused of not being funny in the first degree. How do you plead?"

Quigman Comic: "Guilty as charged, your honor, but you'll never convict me."

Judge: "How do you mean?"

Quigman Comic: "It's like that old adage of a tree falling in the forest. If no one reads me then how can you ever seat a jury with the proper frame of reference?"

Judge: "Point taken. But you'll be back in my court soon enough and one day, Quigman, I swear I'm going to scour every mental institution, porn shop, singles bar, anime group and rocket club until I can find enough misfits, dweebs, dorks, nerds, geeks and slobs to constitute a jury of your peers and then, by god, I'm going to throw the book at you. Now get out of my court!"

Sloth Alert: I see our old friend Mr. Zip-A-Tone is back, which must mean that, yes, this is another in a long series of re-used Quigmans. This one's a vintage specimen from 8-9-03.

9-20-07: Wait a minute. Where have I seen this before?

Ah! I have it! Old Hicky-pants has borrowed the idea of the shmoo, from the old "Li'l Abner" comic strip. But whereas Al Capp's playful little critters were so cute you could hardly wait to bolt one down for breakfast this monstrosity looks like it was gene-spliced somewhere in China's equivalent of New Jersey. Frankly, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot hot-plate but evidently Mr. Boss-Man is not quite so discerning, ever-willing to eat his mistakes no matter how much they may cry out for 401k plans and universal health coverage.

Sloth Alert: What's that smell? It's sort of like... day old fish. Oh, yeah, it's this comic. It's a stinky little leftover, sitting on a warm shelf since 12-12-02.