|
The
Quigblog: 2006
Yeah,
I know. This isn't really a blog, but it's ever-so-cool
to use the
word "blog" nowadays and I've never been cool in my life,
so just let me have my fun. The following is a sort of reverse
chronological
rundown of Quig-related events as they happen, accompanied by the
occasional indecipherable rant about vital social issues.
|
12-19-06:
Today's re-use of a Quigman gives one, or me anyway, pause because
of slight yet remarkable re-wording. The gag concerned a family
of dragons and a faulty smoke detector, viz: The Dragons at
home - "Darn it, Harry! That smoke alarm is driving me
crazy!"
As always, what a hoot. Yuk-yuk. Oh, how my sides ached from
laughing.
Anyhoo, the original wording of the joke was "Dammit, Harry!
That smoke alarm is driving me crazy!".
In an era where Pearls Before Swine shows its own artist having
his arm bitten off by an alligator, where the Pirahna Club shows
Arnold's brain being sliced out with a chainsaw, where Mallard
Fillmore is just, yech, Mallard Fillmore the replacement of
"dammit" for "darn it" is minor cause for
alarm. Very minor. In fact, forget I even mentioned it. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
9-4-06:
Buddy actually wrote a somewhat decent gag today which, I guess,
means I'm in trouble with the Jewish Defense League.
Y'see, today's Quigman cartoon featured a snake passenger on
a plane, redressing the attendant for not serving him a kosher
rat. Needless to say, I awoke this morning to an irate email
aimed primarily at Buddy, but also CC-ed to me, his syndicate,
and the JDL. If you like, you can see the cartoon here. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
8-26-06:
I'm almost
ashamed to tell you this but, Buddy Hickerson stalker that I
am, I just learned today that Buddy has a web site all his own,
buddyhickerson.com.
(Update, 12-19-06: The site has not changed one pixel in four
months. I may not blog here every day, but at least I know when
to add new material.)
(Further update 2-17-07: The site has been offline for about
a month and it appears that it's not returning so you'll just
have to take my word for the following.)
(Further-further update 9-24-07: buddyhickerson.com has been
offline for the past seven months. I think we can safely assume
it's deader than a doornail.)
What's astonishing about this site is how totally and absolutely
useless it is, unless you're his good friend. By that I mean,
no one will ever find the site unless they specifically go to
Google.com and type in his name. But if you've never heard of
Buddy then there's fat chance of you ever searching for him.
Bascially, it's a black cyber-hole. Nothing going in and nothing
coming out.
By comparison, go to Google.com and type in "commercial
illustration" or "commercial illustrator". Yes,
that's me, Mike Stanfill, numero uno. Also try "Flash animation"
or "Flash animator" and check the results.
Yes, I am awesome.
I'd say Buddy wasted his money on the site but it was crafted
by a friend of his who evidently knows more about art than he
does about HTML. You might say it was worth every penny.
But I digress.
Primarily, for an "artist" who's been in the biz for
almost a quarter of a century there's an appalling lack of artistic
choice on the site. Five illustrations and one personal artwork
are all that you will find there. Six pieces total.
This doesn't count the limp assortment of Quigman cartoons in
the inaccurately-titled "Quigmans Archive". I mean,
since when is ten of anything considered an archive when there
are thousands of Quigmans cartoons in existence? Hell, I have
more Quigmans cartoons on THIS web site than he does on his.
His site also contains a really, really, REALLY lame Store which
offers three Quigmans books and a single t-shirt. However, the
book links take you to Amazon.com where you can buy two of the
books for as little as a penny, and that's probably over-priced,
while the other book, his more recent Quigmans collection, will
set you back at least $1.83. What's important to note here is
that Buddy doesn't make a cent off of any of these sales other
than whatever measly referral fee he receives, and
can you imagine the referral fee on a one-cent sale?
As for the t-shirt, I dare you to buy one. Just try.
The final creative annex on his site is the best because it
displays his lone attempt at animation.
Hold your nose, 'cause here we go!
It's called "Swamp Baby" and I can honestly say that
I have never beheld an adult-constructed Flash animation that
was as devoid of intelligence, quality, or humor as this wad
of digital phlegm. If you're under twelve years old you might
find some enjoyment as every gag involves a bodily function,
and we all know what an ascerbic HOOT an exploding diaper can
be. I'm almost ashamed to see that Angela Szyszka, among others,
put her name on this audio-visual bowel movement, but you lie
down with dogs...
The site says that "Swamp Baby" was created for Atom
Films, but you won't find it hosted there, or anywhere. Count
your blessings.
As you might guess, I'm delighted at what I found. As expected,
Buddy signed off on a mediocre, buggy web site littered with
a dog's breakfast of his half-assed creations. Thank god the
casual web user will never have the opportunity to see this
thing.
I need a cigarette. And a shower. No, make that a firehose.
(Must wash. Must get clean. Must get cleeean!) |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-28-06:
So
Buddy not only is ripping ME off, he's ripping Gary "Far
Side" Larson off, too...and at the same time. Clever,
ain't he? Click here
to see what I'm babbling about. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-24-06:
Is
there anything that says "I'm a big freakin' loser"
as prominently as a Myspace page? How about Buddy's Myspace
page, which says "I'm a big freakin' 48-year-old horn-dog
loser." You can view this unbridled act of nacissism
here.
And, no, Buddy isn't 8-feet tall. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-1-06:
Today the Sacramento Bee announced
that, for budgetary reasons, it was dropping an assortment of
lame comic strips, including Ziggy, Marvin and The Quigmans.
Now pardon me whilst I go chow down on a big, old bowl of sugar-frosted
schadenfreude. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
3-16-06:
Wow! Buddy hit a triple today!
Not only did he re-use an old joke but the gag was written by
someone else...and the strip was DRAWN by someone else. All
he apparantly did for this gag was write his signature and collect
the check. I wonder if Buddy still ties his own shoes or buttons
his own fly? You can see the cartoon by clicking here.
It really mystifies me why Buddy would allow such a
terribly inferior product be printed under his name, twice,
so I can only guess that he attains some degree of satisfaction
in showing the world that he, himself, isn't the lousiest artist
in the daily papers. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-25-06:
Back in 1984 the Quigmans comic
strip was born and it was quirky and inventive and showed promise.
Too bad Buddy squandered this one-in-a-million opportunity,
making the daily funnies, by giving his knock-off of "The
Far Side" creative short shrift over the ensuing 20 + years.
By that I mean Buddy has so little regard for the strip he actually
re-used one of the gags today from the original set of 24 created
in 1984. How desperate for material do you have to be to use
a joke created during the Reagan Administration? I realize that
Garfield uses the same joke over and over, as does Blondie,
Peanuts and every other lame, repetitive, hack comic strip out
there...
Hey, wait a minute. I think I'm on to something here.
Anyhoo, I happen to own a set of those first 24 strips so, for
your amusement, you can see the original cartoon juxtaposed
against today's version by clicking here.
Enjoy. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-2-06:
I'm trying something new for 2006.
If you'll go to the 2006
page you'll see that I'm establishing a new color-coding
system. This covers Quigmans that Buddy has re-used, Quigmans
long-ago written by me, gags written by collaborators and, finally,
Quigmans drawn by someone else.
It's a pretty impressive display so far. Of the January Quigmans
for 2006 only 8 of the 26 were written and drawn entirely by
Buddy. Ya gotta wonder why he even bothers. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-17-06:
Today Buddy re-used an old Quigmans
gag that involved a soldier calling in on his walkie-talkie
for reinforcement. His squad leader replies that he's a snappy
dresser with a good sense of humor.
Not a bad joke, which is why Buddy used it for the fifth, possibly
the sixth time over the years. Just thought you ought to know. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-1-06:
Welcome to Year Number Eleven
of my one-man-rant against the forces of sloth and general
grubby behavior, namely Buddy Hickerson his ownself. And to
give the year a swift kick-start in the ass, here's an imaginary
interview with the creator of the Quigmans himself:
M.S.: So, Buddy, does it ever bother you that the domain name
of your comic strip is being used by someone else to illuminate
the vile, loathsome business practices you engage in?
B.H.:
M.S.: I see. And exactly what is it like living underneath
the refrigerator and scuttling through all that black, greasy
muck day in and day out? Doesn't the filth and grime play
havoc with your Zip-A-Tone?
B.H.:
M.S.: Yes, that explains a lot although I, for one, wouldn't
use my tongue. Now Mr. Hickerson, some people think that the
Quigmans is badly drawn and ineptly written, while others
postulate that it's ineptly drawn and badly written. How do
you respond?
B.H.:
M.S.: That's not actually very surprising to those of us possessed
of a brain stem. So tell us, was it painful selling your soul
to Satan? And why did you choose a comic strip over having
that skin condition cured?
B.H.:
M.S.: Yes, I suppose there are things that even the Lord of
All Evil has no control over. Now one last question if you
don't mind. If you could give Mike Stanfill, owner and operator
of the quigmans.com web site, one piece of advice, what would
that be?
B.H.:
M.S.: Thank you Mr. Hickerson. And same to you.
|
|
|
|
