|
The
Quigblog: 2007
Yeah,
I know. This isn't really a blog, but it's ever-so-cool
to use the
word "blog" nowadays and I've never been cool in my life,
so just let me have my fun. The following is a sort of reverse
chronological
rundown of Quig-related events as they happen, accompanied by the
occasional indecipherable rant about vital social issues.
|
12-31-07:
In 2007 Buddy re-used almost 100 old Quigmans comics. That's
the equivalent of a three month vacation. Try that at your job.
It could have been much worse but one night, this past Halloween
to be precise, I sat down and counted up how many old Quigmans
Buddy had resubmitted so far. I was astonished to discover that
he'd already reached 88 for the year. So like any responsible
citizen I sat down and wrote his syndicate an email:
Dear Sirs;
I'm writing today to see if you might help me better understand
the intricacies of editorial submission guidelines, specifically
as they pertain to Tribune Media Services.
Take for example your stable of editorial columnists. From the
little I know of such things they are generally required to
submit an original article at least once or twice a week. If
they were to pursue the seemingly actionable attempt of sneaking
an old story by you, one that was syndicated many years ago,
you would have to take discipinary action. If they were to try
this repeatedly I'm sure they would soon be seeking other employment.
With this in mind, how is that Buddy Hickerson, creator of the
Quigmans, is allowed to submit three full month's worth of recycled
material, all in less than one year? My web site, quigmans.com,
keeps track of such things and according to my records Mr. Hickerson
has so far re-used 88 old Quigman cartoons through October of
2007. That's a three month vacation for you and me.
Not to be too snarky about this but it seems that the only other
comic strip which uses more recycled material than the Quigmans
is Peanuts, and Sparky Schultz has a pretty good reason for
phoning it in these days.
I'm certain you don't receive many complaints
on this subject from the general public but that's understandable
as (1) The Quigmans do not have a wide audience and (2) For
the most part its content is instantly forgettable.
So the question I'd like you to answer is this: Just what is
the cut-off point for re-used material by your comic talent?
Is it 25%? 50%? 100%? Shouldn't it be 0% unless the artist has
a really good reason? Like life-threatening disease, career
burn-out or, in the case of Gary Larson, alien abduction?
As I've often opined in similar missives to your company, the
world is full of young, gifted comic artists who have much more
to offer than Mr. Hickerson and who deserve a chance at the
kind of audience a company like yours can supply. Why continue
to tie your wagon to an individual who clearly has no enthusiasm
or affection for the occupation he pursues? Could you, personally,
get away with that attitude where you work? Why continue to
burden the media pipeline with a comic that has limited appeal,
has never really garnered a loyal audience, and has almost no
ancillary value?
My last question, and probably the most important one, is this:
Is it loyalty on the part of the TBS editors that keeps this
strip syndicated or is it, at this sad point, simply pity?
Sincerely,
Mike Stanfill
quigmans.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day my web logs revealed that
quigmans.com received quite a few visits from persons unknown
at the Tribune company. As a result, beginning two weeks later
and for the rest of 2007, all of the Quigmans were created using
new material. I'm led to believe this will be an ongoing trend
but I kinda wished I'd held off on blowing the whistle until
the full measure of Buddy's 2007 sloth had been taken. The little
chump was on-schedule to hit 115 re-used Quigs, and wouldn't
that have been a nice Xmas present to lay on the desk of Mr.
Tribune? <evil grin>
It has been my pleasure to have finally found a way to make
Buddy actually do his job but I am disappointed it took
thirteen fucking years to do it. The bittersweet aspect of my
recent actions is that it will ultimately short-circuit this
site's main focus, that of notating re-used Quigman jokes, leaving
it rather barren. But I can live with that.
See you next year, kids. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
12-7-07:
I received a phone call from Buddy today, first time in 13 years.
He reports that the Quigmans are to be discontinued... or that
they might be picked up by another syndicate. As usual, try
and get a straight answer out of Buddy. All I could think of
was "Well, that and a cup of coffee...".
It was a very short phone call as I wasn't inclined to dig for
details. I don't know why he felt the need to impart this news
personally as it's not really important to me whether the strip
lives or dies. I'm just the piano player.
Coincidentally, cartoonist Al Scaduto, artist of the strip "They'll
Do It Every Time", passed away today at 79. He was the
third lead artist and was at its helm for the past 18 years.
There's no doubt the strip will continue to be syndicated, penned
by new blood, but Al's lovely vintage draftsmanship will be
missed. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 11-10-07:
I just added the April 2007 Catharsis
page. Enjoy. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
10-31-07:
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!!!!
This month, October of '07, old Hicky-pants set a new record
for sloth as he re-used 15 old Quigmans of his required 27.
I take great glee in also pointing out that two of the new gags
were written by collaborators, which means old Hicky-pants created
only ten new gags this month.
More to the point, Buddy has re-used 88 old Quigmans this year,
that's over three months of old material and it's not even Thanksgiving.
This isn't just half-assing, this is Full Metal Ass.
Keep up the bad work, ya lame-o! |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
10-24-07:
Good news for yours truly and the people of Lexington, Kentucky...the
Quigs have been evicted from the local paper!
Yayyyy!
Actually, a whole slew of comics were replaced on the Lexington
Herald-Leader comics page but the press
release notably singled-out the Quigmans. As a courtesy
to their readers the paper is keeping the dropped comics on
their web site for another month but, curiously, the Quigs aren't
on the list.
For those who care about such things, here are the comics they
discontinued: BC, Wizard of ID, Apartment 3-G, Cathy, Dennis
the Menace, Marmaduke, Mary Worth, Pardon My Planet, Sally Forth,
Slylock Fox, Ziggy. (I'd like to take a moment to opine that
Pardon My Planet and Sally Forth deserved better.)
The replacement comics are as follows: Get Fuzzy, Baby Blues,
Between Friends, Cul de Sac, F Minus, Mother Goose & Grimm(?),
Mutts, Non Sequitur, Red and Rover, Speed Bump. (Of these let's
hear a rousing HUZZAH for Non Sequitur, F Minus and Mutts.)
Way to go, Lexingtonians! |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
10-9-07:
I've been having the most delightful time reviewing every
new, and used, Quigman these past few months. Not
only is it a pleasant way to purge a little inner tension
at the end of the day, it's also almost effortless due to
the sheer lack of industry Hick puts into each day's offering.
Being anti-gun I can only imagine what shooting fish in a
barrel is like but I have on more than one occasion wished
I called the collective archive "Fishbarrel" rather
than "Catharsis". But I'm not losing any sleep over
it. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
9-8-07:
Okay, here's what I believe.
The Quigmans, as a device of industrial entertainment, ceased
to function years ago. I believe Buddy knows this else he wouldn't
rely so heavily on repeated material. I believe his syndicate
knows it, too, since they could obviously make more profit by
filling the hole in its stable of talent with a newer, better,
hipper strip. But they're content to earn their meager pittance
in syndicate fees because, hey, money's money.
So, in my opinion, what's the one big reason the Quigmans continue
anon?
I'm sad to report that it may be this web site or, more precisely,
me.
I shall elaborate.
There's little doubt the Trib receives numerous complaints about
the content of the Quigmans, and less doubt that the strip has
a shrinking fan-base. Either reason would ordinarily be enough
to warrant it a much-deserved one-way trip back to Palookaville
(as though it ever left) but Buddy possesses one truly valuable
talent, one I stood in awestruck witness of over the many years
I dealt with him, that will ensure its continuation... like
any used car salesman old Hick has the truly profligate ability
to do or say anything to ingratiate himself upon others.
Oh, the stories I could tell.
Some might say this is an invaluable social skill but I always
perceived it as a malicious slight of hand since people, in
general, will always accept an easy to swallow fabrication in
the face of hard truths. Combine this ability with a general,
pathetic helplessness (If you know Hick you know exactly what
I mean) and you get the kind of person it's hard to dislike
in spite of your better instincts.
What does have to do with me? Simple. This web site is one long
record of one man's inability to do his job properly. But that
also, unfortunately, makes it a convenient tool for old Hick
to use in convincing others, his syndicate included, that someone
is out to get him. You see, it's not the fact that the Quigmans
is, in my opinion, sub-standard comedic fare, it's this web
site that's to blame.
So, in essence, the Quigmans continue to live on both in
spite of this site and, partially, because of it. It is, in
a larger and more remarkable sense, just another part of Buddy's
unique ability of making people do things in spite of their
better instincts.
But I'm not quitting. I'll be here day in and day out, publicly
notating one man's barefaced contempt for his miniscule readership.
I realize that it's a general disservice to the collective flow
of comedy karma, but for that I apologize. Thanks for understanding. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
9-4-07:
Bob Quigman made an appearance today in a gag repeated from
2003. Upon reading it I became aware that I hadn't seen Bob,
the person the strip is named for, in some time. A quick scan
revealed he's only made an appearance five times in the past
four months, about a hundred strips, and in each instance it
was an old, re-used Quigman. Francine, Bob's female counterpart,
has also been scarce, only showing up by name three times in
all of 2006-2007.
This may not seem important to recent adherent's to the Quigs
but it's pretty much like tossing Charlie Brown, Lucy van Pelt
and, in the case of Bob's dog Jowles, Snoopy right down the
toilet. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
8-31-07:
Am I the only one who noticed that of the Quigmans gags for
the month of August over one-third, nine to be exact, featured
people drinking? There's nothing specifically illegal or immoral
about that but considering life's rich pageant you'd think old
Hicky-pants could imagine situations more creative.
Oh...right. It's Buddy. What was I thinking? |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
8-10-07:
Today's Quigmans was originally printed in April of 2002 and
it bore the guest signature of the writer of the gag, someone
named "Schechter". Today's version of it, however,
arrived sans Schechter. While it's possible that it's just a
simple technical error Buddy doesn't re-draw his re-used comics
very often which means he might have removed the name on purpose.
Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnn!
Just thinking typing out loud. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 7-31-07:
It's been quite the summer for old Bud. Exactly half of the
Quigmans syndicated in July were repeats. I don't begrudge a
man if he needs a vacation but he also used that many repeats
back in January. I'm just sayin'. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
7-18-07:
I was doing some Secret Agent Googling and stumbled across Buddy's
Friendster
page. I can't believe it's been around since 2003 (it apparantly
dried up in 2005) and yet I've never seen it before.
As expected, it's the usual "I like talking walks, watching
movies, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit" but suddenly I found
a true gem of a quip on the page. Under the heading "Who
I Want To Meet" the answer is "People who can keep
secrets".
I nearly bust a gut laughing, not because it's a silly lie,
but because it's so true (and I like to think I had something
to do with that). You see, I always noticed that Buddy never
liked to have his friends get together and compare notes because
he was such a world-class bullshit artist. Actually, he was
a lousy liar, but he was such a pathetic putz no one called
him on it. So he wants acolytes who'll keep their yaps shut.
My guess is the tradition continues, especially since he lists
as his hobbies "writing and directing movies". As
fucking if.
Hey, Bud, why don't you share some of those movie titles with
us? Didn't think so.
One more thing...his 'friends' have left him some glowing comments
but I couldn't help noting when checking his 'friends' pages
that he never bothered to respond. Class move there, Bud. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
7-2-07:
Hey! Didja notice? I've added a new section to Buddywatch, a
day-by-day critique of the Quigmans I refer to as "Catharsis".
Look it up, it's tres' apropos.
|
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
6-19-07:
Life is funny.
I had no more than uploaded the previous blog entry, concerning
Buddy's recent failure as a published cartoonist, when I'd learned
that my friend Hilary Price had won the much-coveted 2007 Reuben
Award for her syndicated comic strip "Rhymes With Orange".
The Reuben, for those who don't know, is the comic industry
equivalent of an Oscar.
What makes this story even more satisfying is that I'm allowed
to write the occasional gag for Hilary. You can see a small
collection of my gags and Hilary's artwork, here.
Eat it, Buddy. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
6-18-07:
Something just occurred to me tonight, something semi-remarkable,
and that is that the last Quigmans book, "The Quigmans
Tunnel of Just Friends", was printed in August of 1996.
That's eleven years ago and approximately 6 months after this
site began.
Considering the fact that there were four Quigman books printed
during its first ten years, during the time I actively wrote
for Buddy, maybe this site has had more of an effect than I
thought.
Or maybe I was what made the Quigmans funny.
Either way....grin. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 5-8-07:
Is it me, or are the Quigmans more violent and hideously drafted
than usual? Click here
to see what I mean. This is just a small sample of what I've
been seeing for some time. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-15-07:
Jackpot!
As you may or many not know, I scour the internet looking for
those whose opinion of the Quigmans approximates my own, and
today I hit a gusher.
Joshreads.com
is a web site that critiques the daily comics and he seems to
have a fairly vast following. The edition of his blog in which
he mentions his distaste for the Quigs resulted in over 150
responses. Not too shabby in the blog-world. Very few of the
reponses even mentioned the Quigs but, unremarkably, not one
person stood up for Buddy's creation, either. No surprise there.
I've cherry-picked all of the comments for your purview and
added them to the Voices
page of quigmans.com. Enjoy. |
| |••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-12-07:
I found Buddy's evil twin. Actually, "twin" as the
"evil" part is a given. It seems there's a well-known
graphic artist who's evidently making a good living plagiarizing
other people's creativity. I won't give his name because that
would only boost his Google stats. I don't know how long the
link will stay viable but, for now, you can find it here:
http://taxidermied.livejournal.com/42521.html
|
| |••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
3-29-07
Dear Diary;
Apart from the government self-imploding due to its own incompetence
nothing much happened today. Oh, and today's Quig gag is at
least twenty years old. |
| |••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 3-16-07:
I can't be expected to remember everything so imagine my pleasant
surprise, while researching some old Quig material, when
I discovered one I'd forgotten that I'd written. And it's one
Buddy has used at least four times. The original syndication
date was 5-14-87 but in 2004 Buddy re-used it twice within a
two-month period. Why? Who the hell knows. To read more, go
here. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 3-10-07:
February of 2007 was pretty unusual for Buddy as for the first
time in 12 years he went an entire month without using an old
Quigman's gag. But he's used three already in March so evidently
one month is about the extent of Buddy's creative resources.
|
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
3-10-07:
One of the things I'm unable to ascertain is in just how many
papers the Quigmans is printed. The Tribune doesn't readily
give out that number, you see. So I went to Google and typed
in the names of various comics strips, avoiding strips with
common names like "peanuts" or "non sequitur",
and seeing just how many results each received. Here's the tally:
Doonesbury - 1,999,000
Calvin and Hobbes - 1,800,000
The Far Side - 1,460,000
For Better Or worse - 1,330,000
Marmaduke - 1,030,000
Get Fuzzy - 642,000
Mallard Fillmore - 550,000
Family Circus - 424,000
Diesel Sweeties - 413,000
Andy Capp - 314,000
Beetle Bailey - 259,000
Sally Forth - 255,000
Rose Is Rose - 157,000
Hagar the Horrible - 155,000
Prickly City - 150,000
Zippy the Pinhead - 138,000
Funky Winkerbean - 115,000
Rhymes With Orange - 113,000
Quigmans 94,000
Snuffy Smith - 77,700
Spot the Frog - 60,300
Hi & Lois - 57,000
Lockhorns - 46,100
Six Chix - 36,900
Pardon My Planet - 12,000
Willy & Ethyl - 3
This list, while only vaguely scientific, is not truly indicative
of how many papers a strip might be printed in but it's surely
a good indication of what I like to call "buzz". And
as far as the net is concerned, the Quigmans are only marginally
more facinating than Snuffy Smith. Yeah, that sounds about right. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-21-07:
Back in the days when I wrote jokes for the Quigs the kitschy
TV series "Kung Fu" (72-75) was still pretty fresh
in everyone's mind. It was the show everyone knew about but
didn't watch and was thus easy fodder for a cheap gag now and
again. So here it is 32 years after the show went off the air
and today's Quigman is an isipid Kung-Fu joke written by someone
named Kallenberg (It's actually hard to tell since the name
is written in about a 2-point scrawl). The joke itself
is about as fresh as a Ford Pinto reference and about as funny.
See for yourself:
Kung-Fu, the Slacker Years: "OK,
Grasshopper. Like, snatch the brewski from my hand, dude."
Dude? Slacker? Brewski? Groovy, daddy-o!
There's every reason to believe that this is actually another
gag from the Tomb of Elderly Quigmans which would explain its
antedeluvian stench, but my records don't cover every possible
Quigman epoch. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
| 2-9-07:
There's an entertaining thing you can do with fortune cookies
to make them, well, more amusing than they are. You simply
add the words "in bed" to the end of the message,
as in "Being happy is not always being perfect....in
bed."
See? Amusing.
Similarly, today's Quigman gag uses the same, lame
ruse but instead of "in bed" Buddy uses the phrase
"the terrorist's win" as his comic coda. In this
case, a couple are in the back seat of a car and the man says
to the woman "Don't you see, Lisa? If you don't give
in to romance, the terrorist's win."
Not funny? How about: "Don't you see, Lisa? If you don't
take out the garbage, the terrorist's win."
"If you don't use the dewey decimal system, the terrorist's
win."
"If you don't accept Barney as your personal lord and
saviour, the terrorist's win."
This technique wasn't funny the first thousand times it was
used in countless sitcoms and it's less funny now. Call your
local paper and demand better. In other words...
"If they keep running the Quigmans, the terrorist's win."
|
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-4-07: Back
in August of 2006 on this so-called blog I noted that cheesey
little Buddy had an even cheesier little web site. Well, it's
been offline for the past couple of weeks, most likely because
'someone' forgot to pay the hosting bill. Of course, it could
be because the syndicate finally saw this embarrassing mish-mash
of a site and requested Buddy stick a knife in that baby. Pure
conjecture of my part, of course.
One
more thing...the last known host for Buddy's web site is worldispnetwork.com.
I googled them and, to my delight, I've discovered they're
complete scum. Birds of a feather, thought I. Read the
details here:
http://www.donotreply.com/archives/000009.html)
|
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-3-07: When
I used to work with Buddy I knew that he cribbed jokes from
late night television as he'd have notebooks laying around filled
with one-liners ala Dave and Johnny. I always thought it was
a pretty lame thing to do but it was no skin off my teeth, as
goes the hackneyed saying.
Well, apparantly Buddy has a new source for plagiarism...the
net, and since this sort of thing is important to me now, I
thought I'd share.
The Quigman joke of 2-2-07, a man saying to his girlfriend "I'd
like to take our relationship to a previous level" was
more than likely borrowed directly from an Onion article that
ran 11-28-06. You can see the Onion page I screen-shot by clicking
here.
This had nothing to do with my own sleuthing capabilities as
I was alerted to this fact by the "Fancy Store-Bought Dirt"
blog at the attemptedchemistry.com
web site. Stop by, won't you?
Buddy's probably been borrowing from the net all along so I'll
just remember to keep a sharp Google eye out on him from here
on. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-24-07:
Buddy's starting 2007 off with a flaccid, little bang. Of the
first twenty-one Quigmans syndicated so far, thirteen, possibly
fourteen, have been repeats. Most, oddly enough, repeated from
from 2002. Must have been a very Xerox-able year.
Very impressive slacking, I must say. Less than1/3 new material
this year, and what there's been of it has been particularly
simple-minded.
You might contend that Buddy might just be taking a little vacation,
except that over half of December 06's output was also re-used
material. That's some vacation for someone whose job essentially
takes about one hour a day.
I'm beginning to believe that Buddy's syndicate, Tribune Media,
is sort of the FEMA of syndication services as they don't seem
to have the greatest of oversight skills. If people are drowning
or an artist is phoning it in, who cares? As long as the money
is green and no one complains.
You're doin' a heckuva job, Tribunie. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-2-07: Quigmans.com
or, as I like to refer to it, "Buddywatch", is now
in its twelth spectacular year of existence.
When I met my dear girlfriend ten years ago I was a bit embarrassed
to tell her that this peculiar avocation of mine had gone on
for two whole years, up to that point at least. The Earth has
since swung around the sun ten more times and Buddy still refuses
to take the hint.
Oh well.
Each year just proves my point even further, that Mr. Hickersonn
is the laziest and lamest comic strip creator in existence.
Happy New Year. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
12-19-06:
Today's re-use of a Quigman gives one, or me anyway, pause because
of slight yet remarkable re-wording. The gag concerned a family
of dragons and a faulty smoke detector, viz: The Dragons at
home - "Darn it, Harry! That smoke alarm is driving me
crazy!"
As always, what a hoot. Yuk-yuk. Oh, how my sides ached from
laughing.
Anyhoo, the original wording of the joke was "Dammit, Harry!
That smoke alarm is driving me crazy!".
In an era where Pearls Before Swine shows its own artist having
his arm bitten off by an alligator, where the Pirahna Club shows
Arnold's brain being sliced out with a chainsaw, where Mallard
Fillmore is just, yech, Mallard Fillmore the replacement of
"dammit" for "darn it" is minor cause for
alarm. Very minor. In fact, forget I even mentioned it. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
9-4-06:
Buddy actually wrote a somewhat decent gag today which, I guess,
means I'm in trouble with the Jewish Defense League.
Y'see, today's Quigman cartoon featured a snake passenger on
a plane, redressing the attendant for not serving him a kosher
rat. Needless to say, I awoke this morning to an irate email
aimed primarily at Buddy, but also CC-ed to me, his syndicate,
and the JDL. If you like, you can see the cartoon here. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
8-26-06:
I'm almost
ashamed to tell you this but, Buddy Hickerson stalker that I
am, I just learned today that Buddy has a web site all his own,
buddyhickerson.com.
(Update, 12-19-06: The site has not changed one pixel in four
months. I may not blog here every day, but at least I know when
to add new material.)
(Further update 2-17-07: The site has been offline for about
a month and it appears that it's not returning so you'll just
have to take my word for the following.)
(Further-further update 9-24-07: buddyhickerson.com has been
offline for the past seven months. I think we can safely assume
it's deader than a doornail.)
What's astonishing about this site is how totally and absolutely
useless it is, unless you're his good friend. By that I mean,
no one will ever find the site unless they specifically go to
Google.com and type in his name. But if you've never heard of
Buddy then there's fat chance of you ever searching for him.
Bascially, it's a black cyber-hole. Nothing going in and nothing
coming out.
By comparison, go to Google.com and type in "commercial
illustration" or "commercial illustrator". Yes,
that's me, Mike Stanfill, numero uno. Also try "Flash animation"
or "Flash animator" and check the results.
Yes, I am awesome.
I'd say Buddy wasted his money on the site but it was crafted
by a friend of his who evidently knows more about art than he
does about HTML. You might say it was worth every penny.
But I digress.
Primarily, for an "artist" who's been in the biz for
almost a quarter of a century there's an appalling lack of artistic
choice on the site. Five illustrations and one personal artwork
are all that you will find there. Six pieces total.
This doesn't count the limp assortment of Quigman cartoons in
the inaccurately-titled "Quigmans Archive". I mean,
since when is ten of anything considered an archive when there
are thousands of Quigmans cartoons in existence? Hell, I have
more Quigmans cartoons on THIS web site than he does on his.
His site also contains a really, really, REALLY lame Store which
offers three Quigmans books and a single t-shirt. However, the
book links take you to Amazon.com where you can buy two of the
books for as little as a penny, and that's probably over-priced,
while the other book, his more recent Quigmans collection, will
set you back at least $1.83. What's important to note here is
that Buddy doesn't make a cent off of any of these sales other
than whatever measly referral fee he receives, and
can you imagine the referral fee on a one-cent sale?
As for the t-shirt, I dare you to buy one. Just try.
The final creative annex on his site is the best because it
displays his lone attempt at animation.
Hold your nose, 'cause here we go!
It's called "Swamp Baby" and I can honestly say that
I have never beheld an adult-constructed Flash animation that
was as devoid of intelligence, quality, or humor as this wad
of digital phlegm. If you're under twelve years old you might
find some enjoyment as every gag involves a bodily function,
and we all know what an ascerbic HOOT an exploding diaper can
be. I'm almost ashamed to see that Angela Szyszka, among others,
put her name on this audio-visual bowel movement, but you lie
down with dogs...
The site says that "Swamp Baby" was created for Atom
Films, but you won't find it hosted there, or anywhere. Count
your blessings.
As you might guess, I'm delighted at what I found. As expected,
Buddy signed off on a mediocre, buggy web site littered with
a dog's breakfast of his half-assed creations. Thank god the
casual web user will never have the opportunity to see this
thing.
I need a cigarette. And a shower. No, make that a firehose.
(Must wash. Must get clean. Must get cleeean!) |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-28-06:
So
Buddy not only is ripping ME off, he's ripping Gary "Far
Side" Larson off, too...and at the same time. Clever,
ain't he? Click here
to see what I'm babbling about. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-24-06:
Is
there anything that says "I'm a big freakin' loser"
as prominently as a Myspace page? How about Buddy's Myspace
page, which says "I'm a big freakin' 48-year-old horn-dog
loser." You can view this unbridled act of nacissism
here.
And, no, Buddy isn't 8-feet tall. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
4-1-06:
Today the Sacramento Bee announced
that, for budgetary reasons, it was dropping an assortment of
lame comic strips, including Ziggy, Marvin and The Quigmans.
Now pardon me whilst I go chow down on a big, old bowl of sugar-frosted
schadenfreude. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
3-16-06:
Wow! Buddy hit a triple today!
Not only did he re-use an old joke but the gag was written by
someone else...and the strip was DRAWN by someone else. All
he apparantly did for this gag was write his signature and collect
the check. I wonder if Buddy still ties his own shoes or buttons
his own fly? You can see the cartoon by clicking here.
It really mystifies me why Buddy would allow such a
terribly inferior product be printed under his name, twice,
so I can only guess that he attains some degree of satisfaction
in showing the world that he, himself, isn't the lousiest artist
in the daily papers. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-25-06:
Back in 1984 the Quigmans comic
strip was born and it was quirky and inventive and showed promise.
Too bad Buddy squandered this one-in-a-million opportunity,
making the daily funnies, by giving his knock-off of "The
Far Side" creative short shrift over the ensuing 20 + years.
By that I mean Buddy has so little regard for the strip he actually
re-used one of the gags today from the original set of 24 created
in 1984. How desperate for material do you have to be to use
a joke created during the Reagan Administration? I realize that
Garfield uses the same joke over and over, as does Blondie,
Peanuts and every other lame, repetitive, hack comic strip out
there...
Hey, wait a minute. I think I'm on to something here.
Anyhoo, I happen to own a set of those first 24 strips so, for
your amusement, you can see the original cartoon juxtaposed
against today's version by clicking here.
Enjoy. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
2-2-06:
I'm trying something new for 2006.
If you'll go to the 2006
page you'll see that I'm establishing a new color-coding
system. This covers Quigmans that Buddy has re-used, Quigmans
long-ago written by me, gags written by collaborators and, finally,
Quigmans drawn by someone else.
It's a pretty impressive display so far. Of the January Quigmans
for 2006 only 8 of the 26 were written and drawn entirely by
Buddy. Ya gotta wonder why he even bothers. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-17-06:
Today Buddy re-used an old Quigmans
gag that involved a soldier calling in on his walkie-talkie
for reinforcement. His squad leader replies that he's a snappy
dresser with a good sense of humor.
Not a bad joke, which is why Buddy used it for the fifth, possibly
the sixth time over the years. Just thought you ought to know. |
|••-•|••-|-•-•|-•-|–•••|••-|-••|-••|-•--| |
1-1-06:
Welcome to Year Number Eleven
of my one-man-rant against the forces of sloth and general
grubby behavior, namely Buddy Hickerson his ownself. And to
give the year a swift kick-start in the ass, here's an imaginary
interview with the creator of the Quigmans himself:
M.S.: So, Buddy, does it ever bother you that the domain name
of your comic strip is being used by someone else to illuminate
the vile, loathsome business practices you engage in?
B.H.:
M.S.: I see. And exactly what is it like living underneath
the refrigerator and scuttling through all that black, greasy
muck day in and day out? Doesn't the filth and grime play
havoc with your Zip-A-Tone?
B.H.:
M.S.: Yes, that explains a lot although I, for one, wouldn't
use my tongue. Now Mr. Hickerson, some people think that the
Quigmans is badly drawn and ineptly written, while others
postulate that it's ineptly drawn and badly written. How do
you respond?
B.H.:
M.S.: That's not actually very surprising to those of us possessed
of a brain stem. So tell us, was it painful selling your soul
to Satan? And why did you choose a comic strip over having
that skin condition cured?
B.H.:
M.S.: Yes, I suppose there are things that even the Lord of
All Evil has no control over. Now one last question if you
don't mind. If you could give Mike Stanfill, owner and operator
of the quigmans.com web site, one piece of advice, what would
that be?
B.H.:
M.S.: Thank you Mr. Hickerson. And same to you.
|
|
|
|
